Home sweet home 

Teach me...

When I was growing up I didn't have a whole lot of multicultural influences. I guess it's safe to say that I was somewhat sheltered. My town had about 20,000 people in it, but most lived in the country. I was even considered by some to be "avant garde" because I dared to venture out of the safety of that town and roam other places.

Really starting when I was a junior in high school, my boyfriend at the time moved to Denton to go to college at UNT. I came to visit once or twice to go to his plays... I thought it was the most magnificent, scary, wonderful place I had ever gone. I always felt so unrefined and so uncultured in his world. He had a world full of Shakespeare, and Robert Frost, and loved to listen to Classical music, and although I was somewhat schooled in music, I never quite felt like I fit into his world. And although I am glad I didn't end up with him, I am also glad that I did have that time to explore. He taught me that there was a life outside of the box I was living in.

Now I look around at some of the other people in my life and some things that are going on out there... really wonderful things like Symphonys and book clubs, and music lessons, exploring artistic talent, the theater, opera, photography, even sewing. I am reminded that I feel safe in my "box." My life has grown comfortable again with my routine of raising my kids and husband, and the occasional scrapbooking.

My heart longs for the chance to explore again. I want to sit down and see what I can accomplish with a pencil and a piece of paper, a canvas and a brush, or just my eye and my camera. I am an artist at heart. I just need to be reminded every once in a while.

P.S. I am listening to some really great music right now. It's the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack. Check it out if you get some time on itunes. If I knew how to post links, I would do so right now, but I am still learning. :)

I am going blind

Literally. I think I am going blind. It's a scary thing with myself being such an incurable claustrophic.
As I stare at the computer screen I see little "things" floating around. I have asked my Dr. if that is normal and he assures me that it is. I am not convinced. He says I have maturing eyes!! The nerve! He also says there are people out there who have a worse prescription that I do.
That's hard to believe.
Saturday we went to a Christmas party at a friends. I had dressed up in a black tuxedo shirt (SO not me) and I thought "I will wear my glasses and be trendy" since the shirt seemed to call for it. NOT a good idea. For some weird reason I can't see very well with my glasses on. I think my eyes are accustomed to contacts (I have been wearing them since the 3rd grade) I can't function with glasses.
Has anyone had any success with LASIK?? I have scheduled it twice and cancelled both times. I am a big scaredy cat and the thought of something cutting my eyes - well that's a bit much for me to handle. I keep hoping for the miracle pill to make my eyes well so I don't have to have surgery.
Anyone with me on this??

I did it!!

I got the camera. What camera? You might ask? Only the greatest camera that ever existed. (OK, maybe that was an overstatement, but it is to me so far in my photography career!) I spend almost an hour today in Best Buy asking the salesman questions about it. Which one he thought was best, where I should take photography classes. He was quite helpful. His name is Michael and he is here in town... he could take care of your digital photography needs if you should ever need it.

I don't know where this love of photography that I have comes from. Growing up, I only had disposable cameras. Nothing fancy. I would cherish it, going around and taking pictures of things. Really things only I cared about. The clouds, my bedroom, my eyes after putting in my colored green contacts. (they were quite scary)

Now I have gone and invested in a quality camera AND ... AND... get this, I am going to be starting photography classes at UNT in the Spring!! It's a Black and White intro course. I am SOOOOOO excited! It's a 2 hour class once a week and 2 - 2 hour labs. Lots of time spent away from the kiddos, but I think it will be worth it to cultivate my hobby! Finally!!

Yay to nourishing my creative side!!

Oooooohhh! It's so late!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???

Everyone in my house is asleep. I never do this, but something urged me to get out of bed to read my sister, Amber's blog. Amber lived with us last semester and always talked about Xanga, and me being the illiterate blogger - I had no idea what in the world she was talking about. She could be speaking martian for all I knew.

So, Amber, if you are reading this, I read your blog.

I think it was the second blog that made me cry. And then one of the last ones where you were so concerned about my health when I was pregnant with Bryson. :) That was really nice considering how I was such a B- to you when you lived here. I am telling you it was the hormones.

Well, for those of you who don't know us very well, my sister and I both deny problems but in very different ways. Amber gets it all out in the beginning, and then refuses to talk about it afterwards. I, on the other hand, pretend like it isn't happening all together.

My mimi, (MY MIMI, Amber) has lung cancer. It's not enough that she has lung cancer, though. That can be treated. I found out today through my sister, Amber's tears that she also has congestive heart failure. Ugh. My heart just leapt into my throat "saying" that out loud. I am perfectly fine pretending this isn't happening, you see.

My brain, even as I sit here, can not wrap itself around a world without her in it. I don't want to be here. My grandmother is a devout Church of Christ go-er (is that right?) She was SO concerned about my fate as a human early on in my life. When my parent's were too involved in themselves, she cared. She cared enough to let me spend the night with her anytime I wanted. To be there when I got my wisdom teeth out and spoon feed me jello while it oozed out of my mouth uncontrollably, she was there at all of my band concerts, she was there right after both of my sons were born, even though it was taxing on her to make the drive, she was there for me when I was sick and needed her to come get me from school. She was there even though my dad never has been. MY MIMI has always been there.

Why have I stopped going to see her as often as I should? Is it because I can't bear to think of her in any other way than how she was in my happy memories of her?
I have heard of people coping in this way, I just never thought I would be so selfish.

And someday, more than likely very soon, she is going to be gone.

I think if I start thinking about this too much I will start crying and never stop. Good night.

My sad little blog

No one ever comes here. I am so lonely. Won't you come and join me?? I promise that if you do, it will become much more exciting. Maybe I will even learn to post pictures!

I know there is hope. Bethany didn't have many people visit her blog, and now there are several. I don't think I will ever hit Zach Braff's status (thousands of people leave comments on his blog!) but, you know, a few more than two will suffice.

So, please, if you are lurking and you haven't commented yet, leave me one so I know that you are there! I could use the company!

Significantly Insignificant

As I am sitting here thinking about what I could write about, because I FINALLY have a moment to catch a breath between bottles, going potty (my three year old - ha!), and changing diapers I am thinking how nice it is to not be writing to get something off my chest, but just for the thrill of writing.

I know back in July I wrote about my high school teachers and how they "forced" us students to journal, but can I just say how greatful I am to them?? I should write them an email telling them how thankful I really am.

My mind is literally (it seems) swirling about these days. I don't have a chance to do much, and let me tell you, there is much to do! My oldest, Corbin, is really fighting taking a nap right now (and what I wouldn't do to be in his place!) It really is funny, isn't it? How we fight it so much when we are little and when we are older we would give our eye teeth to be able to take a nap (well, we can, but it really isn't socially acceptable) :)

Looking around, man, my house is really a wreck, but here I sit. When Corbin and Bryson are taking a nap, it's my time. I feel kind of guilty about it because I should be cleaning, or cooking but I could really use the couple of hours just for my sanity!! So, I justify it in that way. Maybe it's wrong, but oh well. Sue me.

Speaking of cooking, I am making some yummy chicken and dumplings for dinner tonight. Paula Dean inspired me. I just wish that it was raining or really chilly outside. I'm sort of making the dish out of spite. It's not right that it's almost the middle of November and it's still in the high 80's outside. And there has been no rain to speak of in I don't even know how long. My favorite channel used to be the Weather Channel. I am not lying, ask my husband. We have Tivo and it remembers our favorites and Tivo would record it for me. (Much to my husband's dismay, because it ate up so many of our hours) I would LONG to watch it to see when the next thunderstorm was going to be. I have given up, though. Is it ever going to rain again?? And are we going to see another season other than Summer this year?? I am starting to wonder.

OK, so I think I am starting to run off on rabbit trails, but I must say that this has been therapeutic. A breath of fresh air. I really needed to talk about little nothings, so thanks for reading. :)

Oh I wish...

How I wish I could blog about something insignifigant right now. Like, how much I love Fall or how my dog Shadow is not right in the head, alas I love him anyhow, but my heart is saddened at the moment by a confession of one of my dearest and oldest friends this morning.

I can't even fathom understanding how this could happen... but my friend, (we shall call her Bonnie) told me that her father molested her when we were children. (Yes, we grew up together) The very thought of this makes me sick. To the point of maybe even throwing up. How could a parent do this to their child?? Having children of my own, I am constantly on the guard, even when changing my children in public, I look twice to make sure some sick pervert isn't staring. But your own dad?? There is no justice in this world. It makes me long for a better place, a place where people like that will get there's. My friend is VERY broken up over this and is even suicidal. This is serious, folks. I didn't know life could be this tough.

Which brings me to another point. Same subject just a different, somewhat selfish, I guess, way of looking at this situation. Why is God constantly putting me in the midst of such drama lately? I know this is basically my first post here on this blog, but I have more (check my blog on our website www.jeremyandshelly.com)
My husband's family is going through much drama in the past year too. I won't go into that right now, though.

Is God trying to show me how good I have it? I have a wonderful husband who I believe would NEVER leave me. He loves God and our family. I have two wonderful children, a mother who is involved in my life, friends who love and care about me... is it that?? Or is he strenghtening me for something that is to come?? Oh how I hope it's the first one. I know that God has a tendency to take His children out of their comfort zone when they become too, well, comfortable and aren't leaning on him. And, I have to admit that I am one of those children right now.

OK, God, you have my attention!

*Popcorn*

We just got back from San Diego on a phenomenal vacation. I can't tell you how much we needed it, but I am happy to be back. What is it about trips that makes you feel so refreshed? I guess that it's the company you keep because I have been on trips before that haven't been quite so refreshing. Where I have felt suffocated by the thought of having to walk on eggshells.
*Popcorn* My 11th grade english teacher made us write journals. (Thank you, Mrs. Hindman.) When we were to change the subject in these journals, we were to write popcorn so that she would know we were changing the subject. I guess you could say I am a popcorn girl, because my mind literally pops all over the place when I am thinking and talking and writing. By the way, I am only changing the subject when the popcorn is surrounded with astericks. :)
So, here's to popcorning. :) Whatever that means.